What would you have done if you were in my shoes?

I have a child in special education. In fact my child has been in the very same school for 13 years. This year makes 14. Anyway, Joe should be in high school because of age and years of the school telling me Joe needs to be with peers of his age. Even when I ask and almost beg to leave him behind when he's doing well. Finally I was convinced to let him move with his peers. Once in high school though, the school was not set up for him and they really didn't want him there. Parents just know these things.To shorten the story he was in the elem. last year and we had the say of whether or not he would move up to middle school this year or to the high school where he belongs. Because at the high school he would be alone all day with only an aide, we decided to try middle school. What would you have done? This school has gone as far as telling me 3 different times I needed to keep my child home because there was no one to be of service to him. He's 17 and doesn't talk.

What would you have done if you were in my shoes?
Unfortunately there's no simple answer, other than to fight. Go to the school board, if that doesnt work, go to the state school board. If that doesnt work, seek out a lawyer, or find a local organisation that provides case workers to fight for your son. Your son has a right to an education, and what that education should be can only be determined by your son's individual needs. (Part of what he needs of course, depends on his specific handicaps, challenges, and abilities). I hate to say this, but its an uphill battle. My younger bro is severely mentally handicapped, my family went thru much of what your going thru now years ago, the family of an autistic child I used to nanny for is still fighting similar battles. The best advice i can give you is to always remember you are your child's best advocate, and that if you don't fight for him, no one else will.





Someone mentioned before that the current trend in special ed is to "mainstream" kids, ie place them into "normal" classrooms, for lack of a better way to phrase it. This is not always the best solution, and is something that should definitely be decided on a child by child basis. To be entirely honest there are kids I've worked with in special ed, who have utterly amazed me at how well theyve done in mainstream classes. However there are other children I've worked with who not only would have never succeeded in such classes, would have literally been physically endangered by the lower standards of supervision in most schools. (My brother, at your sons age, had the mentality of a three year old, and would have known no better than to walk straight out the door into oncoming traffic.) I hesitate to support any "trend" that so generalises what is best for MR/DD children.





Also, you mentioned your son doesnt speak. Obviously I dont know his specific level of ability, but several of the kids I've worked with have found success in communication with speech boards, and laptops. Or thru sign language therapy. I dont know your specific situation so I can't say whats best for you and your son, just thought I'd mention some of my own experience.





While I'm throwing my two cents in, let me mention this. As a family member/caregiver to a MR/DD adult, and someone who watched what my parents went thru with my brother, one of the important things to remember while going thru this, is to take care of yourself too. Its very easy in such situations to overwhelm and frankly, even isolate yourself. I recommend looking into support groups in your area for parents of children like your son, it can help more than you realise. Not only will it help you gain the experience and wisdom of other people going thru similar situations, but it will help you remember that you arent alone. And who knows, someday your experience could help someone else.





Like i said, my two cents.
Reply:Take your kid out of public school and keep him at home. Quit wasting taxpayer dollars. There is nothing that can be done for him. Report It

Reply:Get a lawyer there are laws that protect your child against that kind of discrimination YES thats descrimination!! the school should be updated to be able to take children like yours no one should be denied an opportunity so get up and research you might even be able to get some money for the schools negligence ;)
Reply:You did the right thing.........
Reply:hes already handy caped, dont make him feel any differnt then everyone elce let him move on
Reply:Look he has rights, and he needs to be stimulated, not sure what is going on with him but in your area there should be some family resource to help you, go to the web sites for special ed, sign up for newsletters... just google it to death untill you find what you need. Wish you the best and your son as well
Reply:School isn't everything. Sometimes these people can be amazingly good at things like music. Aren't you getting some professional advice? You need to develop whatever skills he has.





You'd get better advice here if you shortened your question. Make a bunch of simplier questions instead. To get advice, forget the school story and describe his condition.
Reply:I dont believe I can tell you anything you havent heard so,


you need to see a specialist. A good one too.
Reply:If you are in the United States, they MUST provide him with an appropriate program... and lack of staff is NOT a valid arguement.





He is eligible for special education services until his 22nd birthday. They should have already provided transition service planning for adulthood by this point. He should have been advanced with his age group... what is he doing in elementary?





GET A PARENT ADVOCATE NOW!!!





Most states have volunteer parent advocate groups, where trained people who also have kids with special needs help you with getting the right services and placements.





You also need to educate yourself about the law, and what the school is supposed to provide.





Here's the site you need:





http://www.wrightslaw.com/info/advo.inde...








Use this to start your search for a parent advocate:





http://www.yellowpagesforkids.com/








You may have a valid lawsuit.
Reply:First of all, your son is entitled to a Free and Appropriate Public Education through the age of 21. The severity of his disability, and his unique needs are to be considered by the IEP team, of which you are entitled to be a part.





It sounds like you are having some success having your input considered, however, if you feel your child is not being serviced appropriately, you do have legal recourse in the form of Due Process proceedings. You should have been provided a copy of your rights at the most recent IEP meeting.





Additionally, if your son is 17 and non-verbal, has he been referred to someone to determine whether he should be using an alternative communication device, such as a Dynamo? This should also be provided by the district if it is determined by the team to be necessary for him to be meaningfully participating in his educational environment.
Reply:Wait a minute By law, the rehabilitation act of 1973, and the Americans with Disabilities act of 1990, the school MUST provide learning accomodations to your special child. MUST. The trend in special ed today is to have the child in the classroom with an aid. If this does not work,. demand that the school do an evaluation and provide him with a propper setting where he can interact. You should be calling the Department of Justice, and the department of Education and explaining the situation to them. Have them threaten your son's school with the revocation of federal funding if they will not comply with providing for your son's needs. This is the law. He must have accomodations. Demand them. Your son's education is too important.
Reply:This is a difficult situation that is very close to the heart. We are talking about your son, a son who needs special education... and might I say "deserves" that through the school system.





I commend you for doing what you feel is best for your son, difficult as the decisions may be along the way; but from what I am hearing the school is unable or unwilling to provide the aides and assistance he needs to excel and learn.





I am not sure what recourse you have. My suggestion would be the following:





1. Ask the school for contact names of organizations that can provide this assitance.





2. Ask the school why they cannot provide it. If the answer is not acceptable, ask whom you need to talk to within the District to have it addressed immediately.





I wish I could be of more help. Don't give up and don't accept answers that are unacceptable. Hear what they have to say, then if not acceptable simply state... "this is unacceptable, what does the school plan to do to address this issue??? " Put it in their court, fighting for your son's right is the best thing you can do.





I wish you all the luck, and to your son as well.
Reply:The problem is that he can't stay in school forever. You say he doesn't talk, but not how bad his handycapp is other wise. I have a friend who can't talk because of cerebral pulsy, but he has a good mind. he took accounting in college. Do you think that he could ever graduate? then to be in high scoolis the answer. If you are just buying time until he can be put into an Adult program of some kind. by all means leave him where he is comfortable. How does the "no child left behind" program come into play with your situation?
Reply:He should be with his peers with the support of an experienced Aide. I'm all for inclusivity and all school boards should be accommodating special needs students.


I'm surprised you told us only that your child doesn't speak. Is he developmentally delayed or autistic? Is he independently mobile?





If you live in Canada, (I think you might) you have a case under the Human Rights Act, to have your child's educational needs met. School boards are out of order to tell you to keep your child at home. Choose a High School which has a Special Needs Unit with integration into some social activities.





P.S. Thank you for the question. By the level of the responses (good quality answers) you should be encouraged by the people who care.
Reply:Your son has the right to an education. Because of his disability some things may need to be changed to accommodate his needs. If the school is telling you to keep him home I would search for other alternatives for him. I would ask the school to help select other alternatives as well. Maybe a day care Learning facility that helps children with disabilities such as your son. It scares me to think of him in a school that doesn't particularly want him, other things may happen because of that.


Your shoes seem to fit fine and have a nice shine to them.


You have to try to find what works best for him and you. Maybe High school would be something to try and then go from there. Before you shut one door, make sure the others are unlocked. Good Luck to you!!! and your son!
Reply:Have you considered switching him to a different district? Is there a university in your area with a special education teaching program? If so, talk with a college professor. My college has a graduate program in special education. Is he in therapy? What does his therapist think? You need to talk to someone who has been in your situation. Are there any support groups in your area? I wish I could help you more.
Reply:I've seen this with one of my family members. her only option was to move to a new town/city that could provide the care needed for her son. The school was not funded for such a program or even required to provide a program for him. They took him from a full normal day to half a day and then down to 2-3 hours a day. By the end of the year she was asked not to bring him back.
Reply:I think you did the right thing. Whether or not he can talk, or no matter what kind of needs he has it's not fair to keep him out of a social environment such as school. I think the schools should be ashamed of themselves for telling to keep him home, and they should also be ashamed of themselves for not being able to accommodate a person who is not a typically normal person. I feel you did the right thing.
Reply:I would've went to the government and the media about it. Schools are there to TEACH your kids, you PAY them to do so. If they're not equipped enough to handle your child and he's not doing anything aganist school policy, then something needs to be done about it.
Reply:what shoes do you wear?
Reply:Tell the School to shove it and go it on your own. You can't influence schools and if they refuse to help you then you can't change their minds!!
Reply:If you are in the US and going to a public school, they cannot deny your son a least restrictive environment education. Legally, not only do they have to take him, they have to offer an appropriate educational plan.





You will have to fight every step of the way. Good luck!
Reply:no special school districts available? In st louis here there are school that keep them going as long as they can go!
Reply:I pretty sure it's the school's responsibility to provide help / an aide to your son. I would be furious. Start phoning around to other schools that are willing to accommodate him. Place him where YOU feel he belongs, not where you're told to. Good luck.
Reply:The school system is giving you a load of crap. Federal law states that your child is entitled under laws 504 and I.D.E.A. to a free, appropriate, public education. The school system must, by law, provide reasonable accomodation for your son. If you want him to attend middle school, make sure the administration understands that you know your rights. The school must provide him what he needs. If they do not, they are in violation of federal law. Contact your state bar association and ask them to put you in touch with an attorney who specializes in school law. And by all means send your son to the school where he will be happiest and that will best serve his needs.
Reply:There are laws to accommodate you needs I believe. Check with an atty.
Reply:Well, first, I would tell the school what they are missing. I would say, "Hey, if you don't want my boy here, he won't BE here. You're lucky to have a wonderful child attend your school, and you are ruining it. I was willing to take a chance, and let him be with his own peers. But you can't help him, not one bit. Every school needs help for kids like him. Y'know, you think you're SOOO great, but you can't even give ONE child his education!", then I would start finding a better school and enviroment, one that can associate with his Special Needs. I think you made a good choice, giving your child what he needs. I know that every kid is smart, they just need a nice school to support them. They were telling you to leave him home, most likely because, "he wasn't smart, or, good enough for them". And that's because, a school like that, won't help him, and teach him. Good Luck!
Reply:Read your special education rights for your child . The school has an obligation and by law should provide what your child needs for his education . He has the right to be educated !!! Seek out an advisor for him , they will fight for him . The school may give you the run around due to cost and because they probably not educated enough themselves for the specific problems your son may have but if they are not able to provide what he needs then the school HAS to pay for his education and Transportation to a school that can provide for his needs . You fight for him you have to no one cares for your child like you do !



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