Even more reckneck manners?

Personal Hygiene











1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.





2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days; however, if you live alone, deodorant is just a waste of money.





3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.





4. Make sure to check to see if you need to change your underwear in the morning, if you think you may have wet-farted just before going to bed the previous night.





5. Chewing tobacco should not be put on the bedstand to be re-used in the morning.











Dating (Outside the Family)











1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.





2. Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wantin' to go out with you since I read that stuff about you on the bathroom wall two years ago."





3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM; others might say "Monday", if the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.





4. Always have a positive comment about your date's appearance, such as, "Ya sure don't sweat much for a fat broad."





5. Make sure your wife and your girlfrend are not close relatives, this may be impossible in really small towns, so proceed with caution.











Weddings











1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.





2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.





3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cumberbund and a clean bowling shirt can create too sporty an appearance.





4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this special occasion.





5. It is not appropriate to tell the groom how good his wife is in the sack.











Driving Etiquette











1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; even if the gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight.





2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right-of-way.





3. Never tow another vehicle using pantyhose and duct tape.





4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer, beef jerky is O.K. if you share it with her.





5. Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving.





6. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.











TWO REASONS WHY IT IS HARD TO SOLVE A REDNECK MURDER:





1. All the DNA is the same. 2. There are no dental records.

Even more reckneck manners?
How many rednecks does it take to eat possum?














Three. One to eat it and two to watch for cars.





Hope you enjoyed it!
Reply:Where 'bouts you from girl, we kin?Funnee.....
Reply:A GREAT READ... THANKS :-)
Reply:Usually all of the county is family...and distant relatives are around the corner,up the hill from the "ole" apple tree where many lost their innocence at the age of 6...
Reply:EXCELLENT



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